whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
