Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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