Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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