Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
