her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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