Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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