another moral hangover. fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
