is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
