Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You pole danced in your parka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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