I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
