We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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