Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this beer tastes like vomit already
bring money and cleavage
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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