i just sent this text using only my big toe
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
