just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize