I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
