My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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