You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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