you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Enjoy the penises
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
