Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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