You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
