dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Alive.
So much puke
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
