dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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