idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
