i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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