I looked at my own cervix.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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