she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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