you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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