All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
