He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
