If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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