Already got asked if we're dating
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
