You surviving the open bar?
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NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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