I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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