so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
