I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
