"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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