Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
