I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
