The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
