I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
