I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
