this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
