she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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