it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
