I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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