too bad you live with your parents still
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
