Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
