So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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