If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
