Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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