Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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