WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
