Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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