Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
