I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
