there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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