So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
