You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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