I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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