somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
