If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
