just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
