TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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