Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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