No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
