So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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