from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this boner is exhausting
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
