He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
