All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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