Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
