Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
