is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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