He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
