I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
