help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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