i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
