great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
