i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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