Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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