oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
