If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
