I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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