my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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