I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
