separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
