i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i out mim tonsoeep
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