call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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