Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize